Japanese Games are like Japanese TV...

Well howdy, my fellow Erthicans. My two week writing break has to be justified by the utter lack of exciting things happening over here in Germany or the Game-Scene in general. France has burning cars (not that I would think of that as good, but it's at least something to write about!) we have foggy, rainy and already bloody cold weather.

Gladly then I found something that is worth reporting. My ultimate target is though not publicly displayed on this site, but one of my common targets since my childhood days, the Japanese Game Industry and the dubious stuff they tend to call 'games'. One such Playstation Portable Games has recently come to my attention.

"Yawahada Eigo Juku" is its title. It is, following the description on the box, a program for learning conversational English, or 'EngRish' as the 'L' does not natively exist in the Japanese language. The game offers the TVs standard method of teaching english: Videos are played with sub-titles, first doing a conversation in Japanese, then reperforming the same conversation in English. Bad English AND subtitles in this case however as the following picture of the protagonists of this little piece of software will make clear:


Yup, you're seeing right my conversative American protestant, those are half-naked bikini girls (thank you Japan!!!). Nice japanese chicks with big boobs (as rare as that might be, they found three role models for this disc)! Their ability to actually speak English while dancing on the screen, finding silly reasons to start hopeless 'conversations', is to say the least utterly horrible. Another site referenced this bit of 'EngRish' girl-talk: "KUDO YUU TERU MII HAU TSU GETTO TSU ZA GUDDO RESUTORAN NIA HIA?!" (meaning "Could you tell me how to get to a good restaurant around here?").

My good religious parents, some of you must have thought it: "Will they strip and shake those jumbos around and then have a shower and touch each other?" just like you used to love in those porn-flicks, when you were around the same age your kids are now? (I know while back than that was cool, you now have to protect your poor kids, even from erect nipples under a shirt, while you cannot stop staring yourselves... go and pray in church on Sunday!). The answer however is "NO"! No they will always keep their nice bikinis on, but they sure as hell love to dance around the screen, giving you as much chances to see the rest of their perfekt skin, listen to their little Japanese manga-voices raping the English language and being perfectly cute while doing so.

Use this UMD as a chance to show your kids that Asian girls are indeed hotter than the fast-food fed barn-queens they may jump onto on prom-night (or more likely not...). If you may spot some small criticism between the lines, then yes, my dear reader, I don't think the Japanese company selling this is doing anything wrong (except they should hire gorgeous Japanese Girls who speak English properly, though that might be rare and thus expensive), not even buyers are doing anthing wrong (except if they actually want to learn English with this trash, which would be a waste of money really).

No the only ones who are wrong are those who think the idea behind this Software is dirty, since even her in reality-land, looking out of my window onto the parking-lot, I see all the parked tanks (refer to Shiratami's blog for the Japanese view of what the typical German is like) and the hot bikini-girls scrubbing all the dirt off them and in the process drenching themselves in soapy water. Believe me it's better than HDTV - I can see ALL THE DETAILS! While my mouth now fills with the same kind of substance, hoping not to be beat up by an enraged girlfriend, I send you these words:

"Are we lost (have you seen her die in the series last week? now Ana-Lucia may be hated even more, if it really was her...) Daddy?" the boy asked, "SHUT UP!" his father explained!

Think about it and see the truth! Oh and Steve get me a copy of this as long as you're still in Japan >;o)